Introduction to the Pain of Loss
Losing a loved one is a universal experience that leaves a lasting impact on our lives. On October 7th, my mother, Vivian Silver, did not survive an attack at our kibbutz. For over a month, she was considered missing until her remains were found in the shelter where she had hidden. This article is a tribute to her life and the pain of losing her, a pain that many can relate to.
A Tribute to My Mother
Vivian was an extraordinary woman. She was assertive, driven, and wholly invested in grand ideas of justice, peace, and feminism. At the same time, she was sensitive, sometimes fragile, and always motivated by interpersonal relationships and friendships. She was also a wonderful mother who made me feel like the most important person in the world and an even better grandmother.
The Final Moments
I was on the phone with her during her last moments, experiencing the horror of her final breaths from afar. It’s hard to put into words the void that remains, the senselessness of a death that could have been avoided. On one hand, I wish no one had to know me because of this tragedy. On the other, it’s crucial that her story is not anonymous. The unbearable pain I feel as a son who lost his mother is not just personal.
The Universal Pain of Loss
The despair, the abyss that opened up after her loss, the anger, the confusion, and the attempt to hold on to hope, create meaning, and search for optimism are not just a private journey. Every society must look grief in the eye, recognize the names of the fallen, and internalize the price they and society as a whole pay. We must also acknowledge the grief of others and recognize that pain is the same pain.
Vivian’s Vision for Peace
In one of her speeches for Women Wage Peace, my mother spoke to the audience about peace, reconciliation, and security for Israelis and freedom for Palestinians. She said that these ideas are essential not just for her children but also for herself, meaning that the right time to realize these ideas is now. This was true in 1948, in 1973, in the 1990s, and in 2023.
The Endless Struggle for Peace
Ultimately, she lost her life not as a peace activist, a leader, or a mother. Death is impartial, and war is a beast. It’s so strange that we, as humans, continue to bring it upon ourselves instead of pursuing peace. Sadly, she will never see these ideas come to fruition. Today, I look at my children with a broken heart, thinking that their father might not see peace in his lifetime either. How many generations of grief are needed before we internalize that the only way for all humans between the Jordan River and the sea to live in security and freedom is through peace?
The Call for Action
I don’t want to stand on this stage. I don’t want the Bereaved Families Forum, Breaking the Silence, B’Tselem, Road to Recovery, the New Israel Fund, Women Wage Peace, and all the organizations she was involved in over the years to have to exist. I wish there was already an alternative reality where the conflict does not exist. This reality is possible and even simple to achieve. The only barrier limiting us is the will.
The Effort for a Better Future
We all need to internalize that the occupation, the October 7th attack, the war in Gaza, Jewish and Arab terrorism, and any form of political violence are not fate. They are based on false and toxic ideas that will continue to bring destruction upon us all. Our effort is to create better ideas of commitment to life, fair and equal resource distribution, and recognition of the other until they become familiar. Until we are no longer willing to kill and be killed.
Carrying the Torch
My mother dedicated her life to these simple understandings. She took to the streets, founded organizations, sat on committees and boards, spoke on every stage, raised funds, whispered in the ears of politicians, built partnerships, friendships, and bridges. Her determination knew no bounds, and she did not recognize any border that separates and divides people. Now, against my will, her torch has been passed to me. I carry it with humility but also with determination and commitment. May it be extinguished with me so that it does not have to be passed on to my children.
Conclusion
The pain of losing a loved one is a journey that many of us will face. It is a journey filled with despair, anger, and confusion but also with hope and the search for meaning. By sharing our stories and recognizing the universal pain of loss, we can work towards a future where peace and understanding prevail.
